For our lesson
tonight, Greysen and I worked on tying knots from left to right with four
strings. Before we got started he danced to alphacise to get some of his energy
out. Then we talked about how this can be a frustrating activity and what he
should do if he starts feeling frustrated. He said punching his target. I said
that would be fine, but that he could also use the brain model we learned a
couple weeks ago. He practiced first with two strings. It can be difficult to
get the color you want to show in the knot, but an important concept in making
one row of the same color. He worked hard for just a couple knots, then wanted
to move on to the bracelet. He chose the colors and cut them. I tied them
together, and modeled how to do a full row in one color. I did another row,
asking him to tell me each step as I went. Then it was his turn. He had a
really hard time pulling the bottom string straight to keep the right color
showing, and became instantly frustrated when it went the wrong way. When a
string started to come apart on the bottom, and he pulled it through his mouth,
like I had shown him, to bring it back together, didn't fix it all the way, he
began to blow his top. I told him I saw him blowing his top, and showed him
what that looked like with the hand model, and told him to use his top brain to
calm the lower down. He was able to calm down a little bit, but still was on
the edge. I reminded him that the real reason we were doing this activity was
to teach him to better handle his frustration, and if he used the tricks we
talked about and practiced then he will be able to calm himself down. He got
several degrees better and we carried on. He still struggled with the knots,
but made it all the way through to the end of the row. As a final task, I asked
him to tell a story about what we had just done. He talked about it being good
and bad. I asked him what was good about it. He said that when he was
frustrated he was able to calm down. I asked him what was bad about it, he said
that he got frustrated. I then asked him to draw something he thought was
important about the activity. He drew a picture of himself that said don't get
angry.
ReplyDelete09/20/12
Greysen and I had our first session today. An overarching goal I have for him is to teach self-regulation and frustration management. He is explosive and destructive when dealing with setbacks and has recently been put on contract for behavior management at school. I know that fine motor tasks challenge and frustrate Greysen and that is why I chose them. This will give the two of us structured time in a safe place where he can become frustrated, be taught to recognize the build up to this feeling, some replacement behaviors or techniques to defuse his temper, along with praise for handling frustration in an acceptable way.
We began with fuse beads. If you are unfamiliar, these are very small beads which you place on pegboards with very small pegs. Greysen has made one of these crafts before, but didn't create a pattern. I set creating a pattern with lines of color as his goal for this project. When we get to friendship bracelets, patterns and lines of color will be important (also recognizing patterns, and being able to follow a linear structure may help him with the behavioral goals). He chose the colors and how exactly to build the patterns.
He wanted to start from the outside and work toward the middle. I suggested that he reverse the order because when you get to the middle, it's very difficult to squeeze the beads into the small spaces. I told him that it was up to him, though. He took the suggestion. I helped him sort the colors, and he placed them on. A few rows in, two of the middle beads got knocked out of place. Here was our frustrating moment. He tried a couple of times to set them back in place, but they kept falling on their sides. I gave him some tweezers, but still no luck. Without saying anything, he got off the bed and turned away. "Good job", I said, "taking a short break is a great way to deal with your frustration. When you're ready, come back up here and try again". He came back seconds later, and was trying again, but with a different attitude. He seemed like he wanted to mess it up, and was trying to get in trouble. I asked him why he was behaving like this, and if he needed a longer break. He said he didn't know, but didn't want a break, and then was fine. Using the tweezers, he finally got the beads back into place and continued his work.
We were down to about the last five minutes of our hour together when he started having trouble again. I had given him a five minute warning already, so when he became agitated and started flicking beads off, I told him our time was up, and I would put it in a safe place until next week. I didn't want to push him too far this first time. He had already experienced some negative feelings, and overcome them. Also five minutes might not be enough time to resolve the situation. I wanted to end on a positive note. He got about 2/3 of the way through his dolphin. We will pick it up next week.
09/27/12
ReplyDeleteGreysen and I had our second session together. Before we got started, we had a brief talk about feeling frustrated. Sometimes the feeling builds up, and if we recognize what that feels like, maybe we can take a pause before he is all the way angry. I asked him what his body feels like when he gets mad. He said he didn't know. I let him know that it's ok, sometimes it's hard to explain feelings. I suggested that I could tell him what I see when he gets angry, and maybe that would help him think about it. He was ok with that, so I described his clenched jaw, his clenched fists, and his scowl. I then let him know that when I began to see those things, I thought we should take a break until his body felt calm enough to talk about why he was frustrated. He agreed.
We finished his fuse bead activity. His pattern looks great. He still had a little trouble getting the middle ones in, but had an easier time than last week. He wanted to be the one to iron them at the end, but compromised pretty easily when I said he could help me with it. For the last half hour, we worked on lacing cards. He tried two different fairy ones. The hardest part for him was tying the knot at the beginning to keep the lace from slipping back out. He tried several times and was getting angry at himself and the materials. I let him know that I was starting to see the signs we had talked about, and he willingly walked away for a few seconds. When he came back we did some problem-solving. We talked about why it was hard to tie the knot (there wasn't much room, and he had never tied a lace to itself before), and what we might do about it. Finally we decided that I would hold the string, with a bit extra pulled out, while he did the wrapping and tying. It worked (thank God), and he was able to complete the rest of it. He needed just a bit of guidance to go back through the holes and not around the card each time. After the second one, our time was up.
Part of my teaching style seems to be that I don't ever know enough. When I was teaching, I was constantly reading to try and improve my practice. I taught Kindergarten for 3 years and changed my curriculum every year, because I kept finding better ways of planning and implementing. This is one of the reasons I was intimidated by the teach something to someone project. I am not expert enough at anything to feel competent teaching it to someone else, except Kindergarten. I knew it was going to require a lot of learning. I settled on teaching Greysen small motor skills (a very Kindergarten-ish goal) in pursuit of something I might be able to handle while dealing with the demands of grad school. Alas, I couldn't leave well enough alone.
ReplyDeleteA big reason for working on these skills were the frustration they were causing him. However, it has become clear that his emotions, frustration included, are the skills he needs to work one. If he masters these, then his small-motor skills will be manageable. Through preschool, Kindergarten, and now first grade, Greysen has been coached in the typical fashion--"use your words, count to ten, walk away, take a break...and in less typical ways. We once collaborated that he would throw "angry Greysen" away whenever he felt him coming on. He understands the logic behind all these techniques when he is calm. The trouble comes when he gets excited and his logic flies out the window.
With negative notes coming home from his teacher a couple times a week, and soft pressure to have him evaluated for a behavior disorder (we already have), I feel a strong sense of urgency to help Greysen learn to control his emotions before he permanently impairs his relationship with education. With this goal in mind, I began volunteering in his class once a week and bought and began a book called The Whole Brain Child. (More on this in a later).
Two important realizations I came to: I have an unemotional personality. I don't show my emotions often, (except I think I show frustration easily--go figure, make that 3 important realizations), and I have a hard time dealing with others' emotions. With adults, I just awkwardly wait for their feelings to go away. I know enough about working with children to know how important it is to show empathy. However, instead of doing this, I usually find myself chastising Greysen and Ashlein for their inappropriate response given the situation. The second realization: As Greysen has grown up, I have prioritized his self-esteem and independence. I have scaffolded everything just enough so he would have to try it on his own, but he was sure to succeed if he did. I left out the integral part of allowing him to struggle. I didn't/don't like watching him fail. No surprise now, then, that he can't handle the feeling of frustration. He's gone 6 years without really having to feel it.
The goals in teaching Greysen to better cope, then need to include letting him face frustration and work through it on his own (small motor activities are still a great source for this), and offering plenty of empathy, without solutions, while he does. Each session will include a mini lesson on how to face strong emotions.
In addition to these important discoveries made while learning to teach, Greysen and I did a weaving project. We talked first about how much he likes having a plan. He gets a picture in his mind, and tries to make the picture a reality. Planning can be good, but sometimes things go differently than we plan. When making plans, we should also come up with a plan b. Finally, we talked about being able to let go of a plan and "go with the flow". He did great on the project. I had to tie it off at the end (it was well beyond his ability level). He liked it so much, he made another one all by himself (except for the tying off) the next day.
Following The Whole Brain Child, I taught Greysen how to make a hand model of the brain. I began by telling him that we were going to hear a story about the brain. He got a little weirded out, and I asked him what was wrong. He said "you're going to talk about my bad behavior". This was strange because he has gotten good choices on his school reports for two weeks straight, which is a 180-degree turn from the earlier part of the year. "Why would you think that?" I asked. "Because I was mean when you came to pick me up today", he replied. This was true, he did have a bit of a tantrum when I arrived at his grandparents house. I told him that this was not about being in trouble, but about understanding what goes on in his brain a little bit better. He agreed. I had him make a tight fist with his thumb inside. "This is the hand model of your brain", I said. I explained how there is an upstairs and a downstairs part. The upstairs is in charge of making good choices. The downstairs is in charge of our big feelings. It lets us feel love, but it also lets us feel anger and frustration. These feelings are normal and ok, especially when our upstairs brain can help us calm down. I had him lift his fingers up a bit and see his thumb. The thumb is where all the big emotions are. I told him to put his fingers back down to hub his thumb, this is how the upstairs brain hugs the downstairs brain to help it calm down. Next, I asked him to stick his fingers straight up in the air. This is what happens when we flip our lid. "See how the upstairs brain is no longer touching the downstairs brain to help it calm down"? Then I related a story from the book about Jeffrey becoming frustrated when his sister knocked down his lego tower. He wanted to scream at her, but his parents had taught him about his upstairs brain helping his downstairs brain, so he was able to use his upstairs brain to tell his sister that he was mad and ask his parents to take her out of his room. He didn't flip his lid. I had Greysen make the hand model again and told him to make it every time he felt like he was going to flip his lid, to remind his upstairs brain to give his downstairs brain a hug and help him control his emotions.
ReplyDeleteHe loved the story so much, he asked me to tell it again when I was done. Then he said, "I really like that story". I asked him what he liked about it specifically, but he wasn't sure, he just did.
Don't forget about the weaving project!
ReplyDelete